A daring young woman named Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And bits of her anus in Dallas.
There once was a plumber from Brie,
Who was plumbing a lass by the sea,
She cried “Plumber, stop plumbing,
There’s somebody coming!”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me.”
On the chest of a barmaid at Yale
were tattooed the prices of ale,
and on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
was the same information in Braille.
There was a young girl from Rabat,
who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
When she found she had no tit for Tat.
A couple named William and Ellie
spent their honeymoon belly-to-belly,
because, in their haste,
they’d used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly.
There once was a vampire named Mable,
whose periods were really quite stable.
And every full moon,
she’d get out a spoon
and drink herself under the table.
What I’d love is a wormhole in space
in a very particular place.
I’d try to contrive it
so one end’s at my privates
and the other’s attached to my face.
There was a young woman from Wheeling
Who professed to lack sexual feeling
Till a young lad named Boris
Barely touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.
There once was a man from Japan
whose limericks just wouldn’t scan.
When asked why this was,
he answered, “Because
I always cram as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.”
There once was a gal from Peru
whose limericks stopped on line two.
There once was a fellow from Xiangling
Whose greatest delight was in mangling
Poems. He would drop
Words between lines and lop
Their ends off, and leave readers dang
There once was a poet named Will
Who tramped his way over a hill
And was speechless for hours
Over some stupid flowers
This was years before TV, but still.
Posted by quirky in Quirky Sex