Gropecunt Lane

Grope laneCheck out this page which lists a bunch of very bad street names.

And “Grope Lane” offers the most fascinating explanation:

Gropecunt Lane was a name used in English-speaking towns and cities in the Middle Ages for streets where prostitutes conducted their business. At one point there were streets of this name in many cities in Britain and Ireland, though in most cases later sensibilities changed the name to some more polite variation.

The Femskin… Cue “Silence of the Lambs” Quotes

The Femskin
Some enterprising person has come up with a new and exciting sexual accessory for the lovely trans people among us: The Femskin.

Yes folks, it’s a silicon body sock-type-thing designed to make the wearer look female, complete with boobs and “lifelike” vulva. You can even buy a virginity-loss attachment called “The Cherry Popper.”

There’s something very disturbing about this, but perhaps that’s because of those “lotion” scenes from The Silence of the Lambs spring to mind. I also suspect that some trans people may consider it to be kind of offensive.

The Literary Genesis of “Baby Got Back”

I remember when Sir Mix-A-Lot’s song “Baby Got Back” was released. I hated it. I thought it was horribly sexist and I have never been a fan of rap.

But then I heard the line “My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hun.” And that was it, I could only laugh about it. This song is just so ridiculous that taking it seriously demands too much time and effort. It’s also praising large bottoms, and that’s always a nice thing.

And now I’ve discovered this amusing website that ascribes a literary history to this ode to big bums.

To these women I would speak clearly so that they understand my meaning, though I might be inclined to use somewhat of a poet’s speech for various parts of my phraseology in order to disguise the uncouth words that I would be forced to use in uttering such conciseness. Therefore, my mighty manhood might be likened to a snake, a large snake, though not a poisonous snake, for that would speak ill of the snake itself; rather, the snake would be so grand in size and prowess that it would be able to kill any easily who would threaten his territory, and the killing would be carried out by strangulation and suffocation within its coils. And this snake would, I would tell the woman, have no desire in her whatsoever: unless she possesses that of which I have been speaking for so long now.

Caught Masturbating With A Jar Of Pasta Sauce

Some days the news just hands you stupid sex stories on a platter:

Man fined $600 for masturbating with a jar of pasta sauce. In his car.

When Weatherley was stopped, he refused to leave his car and four officers used batons and capsicum spray to get him out.

They found a 750mm jar around his penis and said Weatherley attempted to continue “pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling”.


By the way, this poor blog has been terriby neglected for several months while I worked on other projects and went overseas. I’m hoping to revive it with regular quirky sex posts from now on.

BDSM Lovers Are Not Damaged Or Dangerous. Well… Duh.

An Australian study has found that people who enjoy bondage and discipline sex play (BDSM) are “not damaged or dangerous, and might even be happier than those who practise ‘normal’ sex.”

The researchers found that around 2% of Australians were into BDSM.

“Our findings support the idea that bondage and discipline and sadomasochism (BDSM) is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority,” Associate Professor Juliet Richters and her colleagues wrote in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

The findings showed that it was more common among gay, lesbian and bisexual people, and that participants were more likely to have been more sexually adventurous in other ways.

“However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious,” said Prof Richters, author of the book Doing It Down Under.

Unfortunately this bit of research probably won’t make any difference to Australia’s draconian censorship laws, which rule that BDSM in porn is perverted and is thus banned.

Boobs On Bikes Goes Ahead

Boobs on bikes parade in New Zealand
The annual New Zealand Boobs on Bikes parade went ahead despite various protests and attempts by politicians to ban it.

A high court judge found that banning the parade would violate the country’s Bill of Rights giving an entitlement to free speech.

It could be that I move to New Zealand in the future, once the happy clappers get control of Australia. Even though it’s pretty cold down there, at least they’re guaranteed their right to get their tits out.

The Madrid Penis Artist

Madrid Penis ArtistMetro reports on an unusual performance artist who is wandering the streets of Madrid in Spain. Jaime del Val doesn’t wear pants and has a camera attached to his penis. At night he projects images of his penis onto the walls of the city.

Like every red-blooded male he has a completely out-of-proportion view of his manhood. He shows off his penis because he says it’s a “means of power”.

He has staged his “performance” in front of Almudena Cathedral and at the Royal Palace in Madrid.

Commenters suggest he’s just a flasher with delusions of grandeur.

Priest Off Clergy Repellent

If you’re Catholic, look away now. Actually, if you’re Catholic, what are you doing reading my blog, you filthy pervert! That’s fifteen hail marys and a large diet coke, thank you.

This is a very amusing fake ad making fun of the very serious problem of priests abusing children. If only the solution were this simple.

“Orgasm Blew My Mind” – A Stroke After Sex

The People has a rather interesting first-hand account of a 25 year old British girl who had a stroke moments after experiencing a particularly good orgasm with her boyfriend.

Laura recalled: “We were really going for it – it felt so good.

“We spent a lot of time in bed over the weekend but this was even more passionate.

“Suddenly I had a massive bodyshaking orgasm – the best I’d ever had.

“But immediately I felt numb down my right side. Then came an intense pain in my head and I couldn’t move.

“I tried to speak but I couldn’t make real words.

The Busking Pole Dancer

Busking pole dancerPolice are looking for a woman who is performing pole dance strip acts on trains in Bucharest.

The woman only busks on longer journeys between outer suburbs. She switches on her portable CD player, which plays “You Can Leave Your Hat On” by Tom Jones, and then she performs pole moves on the center pole in the middle of the train, stripping as she goes. Once finished to dresses and passes around a hat, asking for donations.

Naturally people are up in arms in case children see it. As usual.

If caught she’ll be up for indecent exposure and public begging.


Fighting For The Right To Be Topfree

The Topfree Equal Rights Association is a group of people fighting for a woman’s right to not wear tops in public.

Initially this sounds like a joke, like some kind of smutty schoolboy idea, but they’re actually dead serious. And when you start to read about the issue, it starts to make a lot of sense.

A couple of quotes from the site:

If men (and any woman or gay man will testify that men’s chests can be “sexually alluring,” depending entirely on who the man is) are allowed to strip to the waist, women should be too. The fact that we aren’t is a purely cultural issue, not a sexual one—labelling flesh as “sexual” or “non-sexual” depending on the gender of its owner is nonsensical.

I like this one:

“This is a rebellion against a woman’s body being considered everywhere and always a sex object. As women we want the right for ourselves to decide when our breasts are sexual. That isn’t going to be in a swimming facility, and therefore they must not have to be covered. We want permission to bathe topfree, as men do.”

Makes me want to get my top off and man the barricades.

Doctors Remove 16 Washers From Penis

The Berowra fire brigade found itself faced with an unusual request recently when a man called for help because he had 16 metal washers around his penis. The man made the call at 3am, desperate to get the metal rings off his dick, although no explanation was given as to how or why they got there in the first place.

The man may well have thought long and hard about placing himself in the difficult situation.

Doctors took 90 minutes to remove the washers using fire brigade equipment.

Wolf Whistles Actually Worked

A woman in New Zealand caught everyone out the other day when she stripped off her clothes in response to wolf whistles from men on a road repair site.

City News reports that an Israeli tourist was so sick of being harrassed with whistles every time she went by that she decided to “show them what I’ve got.”

While withdrawing money from an ATM, she stripped naked and presented herself to them. Then she calmly took her cash, got dressed and strolled off. The men were stunned into silence.

The police took her in for a little chat. She explained her position and no charges were laid. The wolf whistles have stopped.

What’s interesting about this is that this woman’s strange logic has done the trick. She’s laid the sexism of these men bare. She’s just turned around and made them take a bit of a look at themselves and hopefully made them a bit ashamed.

Still, I doubt that this is going to become the female defence of choice against on-the-street sexual harrassment.

The Pogo Stick With A Dick

Pogo stick with a dickSo… someone sat down one day and said “Hey… pogo sticks are fun, but I think they’re missing a vital sexual element. Indeed, nothing says sexy like a pogo stick with a dick”

And thus the Fantasy Glide was born.

Well, that’s probably not really how it happened but who cares. The Fantasy Glide is one helluva weird sex toy but it’s also kinda fun.

The official blurb says:

The user simply ‘pogos’ up and down on the pole’s handle to achieve vaginal, or anal, penetration and stimulation.

The FantasyGlide is not a modified toy. Taking over two years to design and perfect, it meets the standards of a highly refined instrument, using aircraft parts, super-durable and unbreakable nylon, and anodized aluminum that meets the demanding requirements of the medical community. For instance, numerous springs were tested during development to achieve the proper balance between ease-of-use and penetration capability.

Available from JT Stockroom.

No Pants Day 2008

Flash mob group Improv Everywhere held its annual No Pants Day today. In the past it was just a secretive thing but it’s been heavily publicised so it was even on the news here in Australia.

Interestingly, the TV show SVU has ripped off one of their other ideas, the “Grand Central Freeze” and used it in a recent episode – without permission or credit. Seems that some desperate writers are stealing stuff from Youtube.